i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize