i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
