I hate all girls vehemently.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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