I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
