At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
