Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There r osticjed everywhere
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
