You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my being single is dangerous.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
