Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
