I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
