Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
