I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
