i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
