talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i have two assholes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Enjoy the penises
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
