so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
