Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
