too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize