i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
