PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
