BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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