Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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