I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
