he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
