Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
