my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
