you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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