U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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