I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
