i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
