Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
