you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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