I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize