how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
