he shaved USA in his pubs
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had sex on a roof
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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