i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
