i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
