Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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