So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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