I think I won the penis lottery.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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