Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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