you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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