my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're too hungover to prance.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
