I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
