i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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