I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
