ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
