btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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