My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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