please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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