i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
