First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
