I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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