Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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