You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
