Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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