Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
