just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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