dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
