"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
