If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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