I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
