she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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