I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
