i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
