But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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