Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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