You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
