Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
