And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
