so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize