6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
