is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
