I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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