I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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