guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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